It's mid-day, hot and I'm scrubbing the faces of my cupboards. We've been fighting ants for 3 weeks now and I think maybe--finally--we are going to see some progress! We put out some new poison that makes them come to drink it like zebras lining up around a pond in the Kalahari!! As I scrub, my mind goes over the conversation I just had with Brian on the phone. He's in the car, driving to another farm, and pondering deep questions.
"What will be left after everyone is gone?" "Am I worrying too much and will I come to the end of my life with nothing more than some money in the bank and knowing I provided for my family? Is that enough?" "Am I investing in people?" He said if he plays out some of the choices he's been making lately he is going to end up like Warren Schmidt in the movie we began watching last night, "About Schmidt." Warren lived his life like everyone else: he went to work, dreamed of becoming someone others respected, had a wife that he seemed to tolerate, and treasured his adult daughter's childhood memories. The movie begins with his retirement party--and he has no idea what might be ahead of him in this space that he's always filled with work. His wife dies suddenly and his now adult daughter is engaged to a man he refuses to get to know but decides is not good enough for her. We stopped the movie at this point (to go to bed) and it has left us really wondering if we are living with purpose and if we are leaving a positive example and a legacy of serving God or if we'll be just another blurb in the paper and be left to rot in the ground.
I believe that understanding our purpose in life (given to us by God, I don't think we can self-assign them!) will help not only direct our moments now but also shape our future when what we've always counted on is then but a memory. I wonder on this as I think of my grandmother who lived some 30 years beyond her husband. Of all who bear the title "widow" or "widower" or who have no earthly family left. There is a biker man in my Faith Family who is learning that his days are of value in spite of no family to live for, no relatives left to visit. He is learning to share and become connected with the people in our church and really seems to get it that we are truly a family of God.
So as I clean on this late spring day, trying to keep up with the needs of a house, hungry children, a dog, and a mental to do list that will never get finished I ask myself, "Am I living with purpose?" "Does what I spend my time on make a lasting impression on history?" I am convinced the way to invest my life is in people. I do have to clean. But when I realize that I am cleaning for these little people to have a safe, clean and healthy environment to grow up in--not to mention invite the neighbor kids in--then I realize yes, this too has a lasting purpose.
Do all my tasks have purpose? What about yours? People live their lives so drastically different from one another--we must each ask ourselves this question. Do we just want to make it through our lives, droning out the days or do we want to come sliding into heaven with our hair a great mess and squealing, "WOW! Lord! Was that ever a great ride! Whew!!!"* I want to be totally spent and used up when I begin my everafter! O Lord, may we all live with great purpose!!
*This is loosely quoted from Beth Moore, I'm not even sure from where, but it made an impression on me!